Review: Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy dildo

I’m almost ashamed to be publishing this review the week that film came out (it’s actually not bad; more of that in another post, perhaps). But it’s taken me this long to be able to break down how I feel about the snappily-named Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy glass dildo.

That’s because, like Bex’s Vixskin Mustang, this is something of a go-to toy, one that makes it difficult for me to give others a good run.

Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy profile

Here I am, with a dildo that I rely on – that had a starring role in my first ever Sinful Sunday – and because of that, that I’ve found extremely difficult to review. It just works.

It’s a toy, that like the publishing phenomenon behind it, has the potential to divide opinion. The features that make it such a consistent performer for me are deal breakers for others.

Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy profileFirst off, those raised points. I’m a fan of texture, but the first few times I tried this toy they hurt. Too pointy, too raised, too much for my vaginal wall. I know I’m not the only person to have found this to be the case – when discussing toys over a glass or two of Prosecco in She Said at Christmas, others said they found it “too knobbly” to be pleasurable.

My changed response to those knobbles is in part from an adjustment to my medication. Last summer I was on less citalopram than I am now – seasonal and life changes conspired to get me back on 20mg a day around October – and for about a month I had no idea what was going on with my body sexually again. (This is what even tiny alterations to medication can do to your sex life – give yourself time to adjust, but be vigilant.)

But at the same time I found I really enjoyed the cool – cold – sensation, and the shape of the toy. If I angled it right, so the knobbles just grazed the front wall of my vagina, I got the G-spot stimulation I loved, and something else – something new and different and deeply enjoyable. I know now that was the start of my foray into vaginal orgasms, but at the time it was simply an added, fleeting, shiver-inducing, benefit.

As I grew used to it, I found I was focusing less and less on the G-spotting element, and more and more on that grazing sensation. There are times when I think I’m in the mood for girth or G-spot play, but when I get going I find myself yearning – really yearning – for texture and sensation further down my vaginal canal instead. At that point, I inevitably reach for one of two dildos – the Tantus Echo, or this.

The other thing I really loved about this dildo when I first got it was that I could forego the lube to a degree. When I was younger I didn’t like getting wet. I felt so little anyway that the loss of friction caused by my natural lubrication, never mind additional lube, meant even less sensation for me; I was convinced that my body was conspiring against me in that regard. If only I’d had glass toys back then!

It’s comforting in an odd way to know I have something smooth and effective that doesn’t need much in the way of preparing for. That grab-and-go aspect also means I get the extra thrill of the cold glass in a hot place.

It can take me from zero to orgasm in less time than it takes to reach body temperature.

This is unheard of.

For that reason I have it on standby almost every time I masturbate – especially when I’m finding my way around a new toy and may well be enjoying the sensations, but can feel myself growing frustrated that it’s not quite scratching the itch.

Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy tip

It’s also fantastic for those times I just need to come.

I’ve finally treated myself to the Tantus Splash, and oh, wow, I want to luxuriate in all the tiny nuances of every bump and dribble moulded into it – but even so, the first time I settled in with it, I found myself tired and revved up and needing to bring things to a satisfactory conclusion so I stood a chance of being productive the following morning. I reached for the Fifty Shades Drive Me Crazy… Moments later I was a very happy bunny finally capable of sleep.

I know it won’t be like this for others.

But if you know you need more to get you off than the average person, if you like your texture uncompromising, if you like thrusting, if you tend towards impatience – you should really give the Drive Me Crazy a go.

I got mine from the incomparable She Said (now in a gorgeous new shop, which I helped clean), but you can also find the Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy glass dildo at Lovehoney, amongst other places.

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5 thoughts on “Review: Fifty Shades of Grey Drive Me Crazy dildo

  1. Pingback: Review: Lovehoney Spiral Sensual Glass Dildo | The Shingle Beach

  2. Pingback: Review: Tantus Echo vibrating dildo | The Shingle Beach

  3. Pingback: Review: Tantus Splash | The Shingle Beach

  4. Pingback: Sinful Sunday: The Sock Drawer | The Shingle Beach

  5. Pingback: Review: Tantus Twist and Tantus Juice butt plugs | The Shingle Beach

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