Oh, Je Joue G-Kii, I had such high hopes for you.
A unique deep-throated vibration, an adaptable shape, buttons in the right place – and other women like me, women who needed more time, power and stimulation, spoke of you with great enthusiasm.
It’s a brilliant idea, a vibrator that’s adjustable to just the right angle for each individual user, from G-spot novice to seasoned Spotter. Except, for me, it has one major flaw.
It doesn’t adjust to my angle.
It comes in beautiful smooth silicone in black, sex toy pink, a sickly shade of lilac, and my favourite shade of purple; it measures in at about nine inches from curved end to curved end, with the rounded G-spot head being about an inch in diameter and the flatter clitoral head coming up for two inches across. The magnetic charger connects to the on/off buttons, and is remarkably stable as long as the toy is on its side (take note, Fun Factory).
The unique bendiness of the G-Kii comes from a hinge about halfway down the shaft, under a slightly raised circular pad. Push firmly on the pad and you’ll feel a faint click. Now you can bend the toy to an angle that suits you. To straighten it, imagine you’re releasing the steering lock on a car. Just before you press the pad, put a tiny bit of pressure on the internal arm, like you’re trying to bend it further. At this point the pad will yield under your thumb, you can push on it and unbend the G-Kii.
It’s a very smooth action, but don’t let anyone try it who hasn’t practised on a demonstrator model. The one in She Said handles like the clutch in a driving instructor’s car, clunky and catching, having been mashed and abused by numerous novices.
At its most uncurved, it’s still too bent for me to hold comfortably for pure G-spot stimulation. In its most curved position it reaches my G-spot perfectly but hovers like a silicon version of the 1950s War of The Worlds Martians over my vulva, and a good inch short of my clit.
The instruction booklet suggests beginners start out with the G-Kii in its most curved form, and use a gentle rocking motion to stimulate their G-spot in that come hither motion as well as the clitoris.
Two problems here. Firstly, it doesn’t come anywhere near my clitoris. I have to do a lot of rocking to get it into the right place, thereby depriving my G-spot completely.
Secondly, and probably more importantly, in its most curved state, I cannot, for the life of me, get the damn thing inserted. Either the G-spot end just fits in but I’m in serious discomfort dealing with the clitoral arm, or the clitoral arm rests reasonably comfortably in place but the G-spot end can’t get past my pelvic bone and pops out. I’ve tried. Really, I have.
This is where the solidity of the G-Kii works against it. Other bent-double dual stimulators – the We-Vibe, most famously, but also the Rocks Off Groovy Chick and Rock Chick – are flexible silicone where they curve. They can be bent back quite significantly while being manoeuvred into place, before twanging happily back into shape.
To get the G-Kii into place, I therefore have to unbend it, insert it just beyond my pelvic bone, fiddle about for the pad, and tense my pelvic muscles for all they’re worth to provide the resistance necessary to bend the clitoral arm as far as it’ll go.
It’s entirely possible. It’s just really difficult.
Remembering how, as a beginner – not all that long ago – I was incredibly sensitive to the idea that it was me who was built wrong, I’d find this horribly off-putting, and give up far more quickly, probably quite upset.
Once I’d managed to get the thing inserted, I managed to find a solution to the hovercraft Martian issue. The clitoral head is quite broad, so even if you have a shorter vagina-to-clitoris span than me, it’s not going to give direct stimulation, and you can’t really work it in any deeper. So as rocking it back and forth doesn’t work for me, I increased the pressure. Clamping my thighs together, clenching again with my pelvic muscles and bucking my hips went some way to getting both ends providing the kind of stimulation they should – but not enough in either location to get me off.
It’s a real shame, because the vibrations really are fabulous. They’re completely different from anything else. They’re deep but gentle, and the fact that there are two motors adds an extra level of lovely.
The first two patterns are further constant vibrations, but from just one motor – G-spot or clitoral. The vibrations from either motor travel well along the whole toy, but the clitoral one is stronger. Having both motors on makes my G-spot very happy indeed, even if the rest of me is feeling somewhat neglected and confused.
The other patterns are a variety of pulsing settings, including one that pulses rapidly between the two motors that serves only to infuriate me. After finding a toy with patterns I like, it was almost a relief to find that I’m still a constant vibrations woman.
On the lower power settings I’m trying to decide if it sounds more like the War of the Worlds Martians, or the Triffids. It has a sort of shimmering, shivering sound mixed in with the deeper rumble notes. This disappears from about the third power setting up, but combined with the shape of the clitoral arm, I couldn’t help imagining a small Martian craft laying siege to my genitals mid-masturbation.
The invasion was not successful.
It’s a fantastic idea, it has amazing vibrations, it gives wonderful G-spot stimulation – but it feels like the G-Kii 2 was built for everyone but me.