Review: The Doxy Massage Wand

It’s made Girl on the Net invent new words, it’s had glowing reviews from pretty much everyone who’s got one – and yet… I want my Lovehoney Magic Wand Deluxe.

Okay, specifics first.
The Doxy Massage Wand is mains-powered, which means more oomph and no cutting out at the wrong moment (unless you’re me – more later). The cable is almost 3m long which allows not only for plenty of writhing on or off the bed/chair/floor but less chance of a phone or tablet on charge getting in on the action as the cables inevitably tangle.
From tip to tail it measures 13 inches, or 33cm long. That’s longer than your school ruler (I still have one). It’s BIG.
The head is cast aluminium and covered with a slightly squishy layer of medical grade PVC, which means no phthalates or latex – but it’s not completely sterilisable (is that a word?).
It’s controlled by three buttons. With the head up, the top button is on/off. Next button ramps up the power. The bottom button revs down.  At switch-on, the wand is a couple or three settings above minimum. There are apparently 10 power settings, but I’ve not got much beyond the fourth or fifth before having to hold back.Doxy Massager and Lovehoney Magic Wand Deluxe side by side

The controls are my first, and main, gripe.
I had a bit of an encounter with a wall a week ago, in which the wall took such a liking to my left thumb that it kept a large chunk of its inside edge. Yes, ouch. Aside from the remaining bit of digit being somewhat sensitive, it’s also swathed in some serious dressings while it heals. Buttons – even Big Friendly Buttons – are therefore more awkward for me to manipulate at the moment. Even in my unmangled right hand, separate buttons give me pause.

Non-bandaged-thumb-friendly buttons

When it comes to wands, I’m used to the Lovehoney’s dial control, which gives continuous and idiot-simple direction: a light flick of the thumb – even a well-bandaged one – is all I need to amp up or rev down the power however much I wish. With the Doxy I’ve flipped from “not enough” to “too much!” with no in between.

Because I’m not used to the controls, I have to think about what I’m pressing, which pulls me out of the moment more than I find helpful – especially when, as mentioned above, I wanted more, felt for the + button, and switched the bugger off. Had I not been that close to orgasm I might have found it funnier.
This is what Doxy says:

Designed, engineered and assembled in our factory in Cornwall, the Doxy is the UK’s long awaited answer to the Hitachi Magic Wand. In a market flooded by cheap – and often dangerous – imitations, we wanted to reclaim the reputation of the mains-powered wand massager.

If this is long-awaited, why couldn’t the controls, as well as the power and volume, be improved? I’m not saying dials are the way to go – on the base of standard vibrators they’re pretty damned annoying – but using the + to switch it on/up and – to switch it down/off would feel more intuitive to me mid-masturbation.

I do like the pulse option. It’s a touch faffy – switch the wand off, then back on by holding the button for a couple of seconds – but once it’s rolling, you can vary the speed of the pulses using the +/- buttons. It’s a good primer for the Doxy’s full might without the danger of burning yourself out.The head and neck of the Doxy

Controls aside, I made a mental pro/con list comparing it with the Lovehoney Magic Wand – and the Doxy came out on top:

  • I prefer the length of the cable, if not the cable itself, which feels a little flimsy for something so big and powerful.
  • I prefer the head (mostly). The vibrations are better, less jarring, more rumbly. The (PVC) covering feels velvety and has more give than the Lovehoney head, and being ridge-free it doesn’t catch on my piercing whatever angle it’s being held at.
  • The head, again, feels more firmly attached to the neck and body of the wand – it’s less flexible, but the size of the head makes up for that.
  • It’s ultra quiet. For something this size and strength, that’s a major selling point. Admittedly the Lovehoney’s got a bit noisier through repeated use, but it was never this kitten-purr quiet.
  • It’s more powerful.

Why, then, the nagging longing for my Lovehoney Magic Wand Deluxe?
After a couple of uses, I realised the size of the Doxy’s head is a downer for me; it’s just too big to use effectively with my G-spot dildos. There’s a bit of clash between them and the Lovehoney, but that’s where the Lovehoney’s flex comes in useful. And I don’t know how to explain this with a toy that doesn’t pinch or is the wrong shape for my anatomy, but the orgasms I have from the Doxy feel kind of bullied out of me. I’m a giggler, but after the initial rush and release my main feeling is one of relief. I got the Lovehoney Wand out this morning to see if it was just the phases of the moon or something, and while it took longer, and I’d forgotten about the slight necessary rearrangement of the piercing, I was in reassuring hysterics within the half hour.

Now, everyone is different. I know that toys “guaranteed to have her screaming” often do little more than frustrate me, rabbits are pretty much useless for me, and orgasms aren’t the be-all and end-all. But it feels strange to not get something as high quality and effective as the Doxy Massager Wand. I want to love it. My mangled thumb is willing to learn some new habits. I’ll give it another chance over the next few weeks, but in my gut I feel the game is already played and lost.


3 thoughts on “Review: The Doxy Massage Wand

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